This seems to be the hardest job in the world, writing about oneself or work, if one could call it that – somehow, what I am doing does not do justice to the term. If I knew people cared, that it is actually good enough to be considered worthy of people’s attention, that what I have to say should be said, then perhaps it may be easier.
So far, I have found that someone else is doing it already and much better than I ever could. Finishing sentences can be hard, my attention keeps jumping from one thing to the next, so that coherency goes out the window. It seems that, while I fumble around trying to get the words out, someone else has got there already, or by the time I’ve summoned up the courage to speak and can do so without faltering or failing, the opportunity has passed me by and the world has moved on. Whatever difference I could have made is of no value now, because decisions have already been made and some new controversy has taken its place.Either that, or no-one cares and they are all too focussed on their own agendas to listen to anyone else.
Of course, if I do get noticed, it’ll probably still backfire, either through my own incompetence or, if past experience is anything to go by, because there will be the nod, followed by an empty silence that leaves me feeling as lost and voiceless as I was before. Once bitten, twice shy, as they say.
Then, of course, there’s the immediacy of working in the ether. Engagement in social media means quick thinking and the ability to use tiny little screens and type with a thumb. Even if you can dictate, you still have to come up with an answer and speak out loud rather than letting the information flow from the mind to the fingers to the pen and paper or the keyboard and the screen. For some, this is great, even a God-send to those who need the safety of a computer screen to communicate with the world. But some of us don’t do well in this silent world. Some of us can’t sit for too long, or can’t type fast enough – I’m guessing those who can type fast cannot handwrite well, while us slow typers may well be better at hand-writing. But, I digress all this means updates, new material, responses and easy one-liners may not come quickly, either – sometimes thinking is slow, sometimes it’s too fast, impulsive and lacking in sensitivity, and will probably give the wrong message anyway. If I ever do respond to anything, the person waiting for a response will have either moved on to pastures new or be getting very frustrated will this foolish person who has the gall to ignore them.
If you spot a mistake, just be kind and don’t hold it against me – I’m not being lazy, honestly.
All this spiel for yet another offering from one more isolated desktop – the question is, though, who will notice, or even care – or have I just put them off?